K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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