people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
