Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
