Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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