Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
