I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
