i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
