fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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