I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
