I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
