Your mouth is God's brothel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Even my vagina gasped.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
