1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
