I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
