are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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