woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
