a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
