We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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