Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
