I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
