well I can't set my house on fire every night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize