Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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