When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
