My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
