Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
