ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
