What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
