I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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