We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it