after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
