Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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