Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
