actually, I'm a sock model
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.