If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.