Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
