watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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