i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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