____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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