His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
