She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You made out with two different species that night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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