You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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