i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hippo gnu deer
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
