If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I am morally bankrupt
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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