it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
