i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
