Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
