bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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