Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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