Me. At least after what I've been through.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
