Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
