I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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