How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
