I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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