Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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