I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm too high and old for this...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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