And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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