I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
