It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
