Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
