I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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