Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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