I hate all girls vehemently.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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