Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
