Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
