I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
