My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
