ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
