it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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