I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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