I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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