Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
