she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
