please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
