i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
