So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
