some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
