He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
