I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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