i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
