I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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